2004-10-08
You'll have to forgive me. I'm a tad star-struck.Tonight, the great city of St. Louis hosted the second of three Presidential debates at Washington University. Four years ago, Wash U. also hosted a Bush/Gore debate. Four years ago I was, to put it nicely, apolitical. Frequently asked questions to my debate teammates included, "Where's the Electoral College?" "Does the donkey stand for Democrats or... the other team?" and "Who cares?" Four years and scores of politically charged debate rounds later, I am a lean, mean, conservative machine, quick to stand up for the Republican party come mud, blood, shit or flood. Since I figured that I missed out on the local political frenzy of the last general election, I have work to make up. Which is why I found myself plotzing around the outfield of Wash U's baseball diamond at 4:30 in the afternoon, Bush/Cheney placard in hand, waiting for the President's motorcade to come by.
I was by myself for a bit before Webster's Campus Conservatives showed up, and I was among friends. We handed out signs and stickers to other loyal Republicans, and marveled at a man dressed as a foppish Uncle Sam on massive stilts who held a massive sign proudly proclaiming, "MISSOURI IS BUSH COUNTRY!" The crowd regarded Stilts Man as a welcome source of lighthearted political theater amid a small bit of growing aggression with the Kerry supporters as he posed for pictures with children and made idle chatter. But when another group of Kerry supporters showed up brandishing signs supporting gay marriage, our clown angrily quoth, "The rainbow is God's promise! The rainbow is God's promise!" At said utterance, a circle formed around him not unlike a circle that would form around a man suffering a massive coronary in the middle of a crowded nightclub - a circle that said, "Who is this man that I am not responsible for?" Later, Stilts Man wandered out beyond the security border. A group of lesbians followed him out. That was the last we saw of him for the evening.
The Bush and Kerry supporters, our orange fences dividing us, traded barbs back and forth, but (and here's some little know insight into political activism for you all) you can only shout, "FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!" and "EQ-UAL RIGHTS! EQ-UAL RIGHTS!" for so long before it becomes really, really boring. And eventually we went about our own business.
And then, the ARMY of Libertarians, Greens, Fascists, Constitutional Laws and just plain old anarchists showed up. Then the party REALLY started.
ON THE CORNER OF BIG BEND AND FORSYTH, I WITNESSED
* The desecration of the American Flag when two anarchists - one dressed as a sheep and sporting a plastic butt, the other dressed as what can best be described as an "urban terrorist" - stomped on the flag and wiped it on Sheep Anarchist's plastic bottom. I was quietly watching and quietly enraged at this scene going on not ten feet in front of me, when a fellow conservative holding a "Jews for Bush" sign approached me and said, "If she were a real anarchist, she's be using her real ass." And that somehow made things a little better.
* A veritable shit load of SWAT team dudes. Riot police, snipers on rooftops, you name it! Our Republican group applauded them as they passed by, but one unfortunate young man made the error of yelling out, "15 points if you shoot a lib[eral]!" Remember that circle-around-nightclub-guy thing? Yep. A man from Central Missouri State who was wearing an enormous flip-flop costume looked at me as if to say, "Pardon me, sir, but is he with you?" To which I urgently and non-verbally responded, "This man does not represent us." I hope he understood. Despite what many may think, I don't want to be the Sean Hannity of the group.
* A Libertarian approached me and handed me a placard in support of the Libertarian Presidential nominee. I (sincerely) applauded him for being a third party showing up at the debate, and he very conversationally asked me why I, as a Republican, was not voting Libertarian. His main argument was smaller government. I politely told him, in hope of engaging discourse, that I was willing to sacrifice smaller government in favor of effective government. Instead, he huffed off, saying, "Well, I guess you're not a true Republican." I yelled after him, "In English, I'm called a moderate!" But I don't think he heard me. And that's why the Libertarians aren't on all 50 state ballots.
Afterward, I went back to Bushland, as I came to call it, listened to a priest tell me about how he came back from the dead twice, and then... the presidential motorcade finally came through. I never realized how LONG it was! There's about 20,000 SUV's and minivans, and (inexplicably) an ambulance followed with its lights and siren on. And... I couldn't resist. No matter how many of my fellow constituents I pissed off, I HAD to say it. It was a joke that I'd be a FOOL to not take advantage of. As the wailing ambulance hurried by, I shouted,
"Hey, there goes Dick Cheney!"
And while I expected to be strung up on the nearest limb, there was much laughter. SEE, KIDS?!? Republicans can take a joke!!!
BUT THEN.
BUT! THEN!
The President's limo drove by, and the windows were down.
Now, I've never been too fond of Laura Bush. I'm sure that she's a wonderful lady, but her severe demeanor never fails to put me on edge. The perpetually narrowed eyes, the power executive haircut... she strikes me as the type of woman who would rap you on the knuckles at the dinner table when you say "crap" in front of your grandma. But tonight, I saw her in person. Seated next to her was George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States. I saw them both, not 30 feet in front of me as the motorcade zipped through - only for a brief but unmistakable split second - and they were waving. Enthusiastically.
Myself and the Campus Conservatives were BLOWN. AWAY. We saw the President with our own eyes! What the hell is this "we" crap?! I! I! I! could also swear that Mrs. Bush and the President looked me DEAD in the eye. I saw the President of the United States of America, and he saw me. And it was good. I envisioned Laura Bush turning to her husband and excitedly saying, "Look, George! It's that nice Andy Hobin! Remember? We like him!"
Four hours of waiting just to see Bush with my own two eyes for only a fraction of a second. And then I come home to watch my guy bend John Kerry over the table of argumentation and proceed to service him with the large, swollen shaft of RHETORICAL DOMINANCE. I'd like to think that he did it all for me.
In a way, he did.
-Andy