2004-11-21
Today at lunch, James casually mentioned a web page of "awful" similes and metaphors that he discovered the other day. Though I haven't yet showered, I came straight to the computer lab to Google the crap out of it. Some of my favs:"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."
"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hotgrease."
"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
"The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work."
"He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something."
"She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up."
"It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools."
And finally, "It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall."
The Ryan Adams concert was well worth waiting in line in the rain. A bullitted list as to why.
* He drank himself into a stupor and went off on a ten minute tangent about Crazy Bowls and Wraps and nursing homes.
* He played "La Cienega Just Smiled" and I evaporated. Rob looked around and said, "Where's Andy?" because he couldn't see me, because I had become a mist and was mixing above with the cigarette smoke and being inhaled by the slide guitarist.
* When he forgot the words to one of his songs, a fat man yelled them out to help him. After he finished the song, he came over and hugged the fat man.
* "Rescue Blues," solo piano, pretty. as. hell.
* Sporadic death metal
* Because I was standing so close, I shook the man's hand after the encore.
BUT HOLY SHIT,
* He lit up a cigarette while he was talking to the audience and didn't finish it before starting (I think it was) "Tennessee Sucks." He handed it down to a woman who handed it to ME. And then, I did indeed smoke Ryan Adams' cigarette. I tried to hold the smoke in my lungs for as long as possible, perhaps hoping that I might absorb some of his world-historical coolness, but apparently coolness is smoked sans filter and burns the everloving crap out of your lungs. Regardless, I felt priviledged.