2005-01-11
Frankcusumano (the bunny, not the sports anchor) clawed the shit out of my hand, pooed on my bed, and peed so much on my sheets that it actually soaked through to my mattress through the bedspread and sheets.I love that bunny, but she needs a serious GD attitude adjustment. Right in the mouth. And as much as I love the proportionally bewildered and awestruck looks on my fellow local St. Louisan's faces when they hear, "Frank Cusumano shit on the carpet and then hid under the couch for like, 45 minutes," the novelty is wearing thin. Bunny, let's be friends again.
I can't believe that I haven't yet written about the tsunami. We're living through history here, and instead of even mentioning the disaster for recording-of-witness-to-history's sake, I wrote an entry about my foibles with the opposite sex. It's like writing about a hangnail on 9/11.
Really though, I dunno about you, but when I was flipping through cable news channels as the tsunami was happening a few weeks ago, and the death toll was only - only! - up to about 27,000, I swear to God, I went, "Huh. That's unfortunate." and switched the channel to VH1's "40 Most Metal Hysterectomies" or whatever idea they've scraped from the filter of the creative programming pool.
Plus, several days later I took back my scolding of Bush for not immediately jumping on the Foreign Aid Express en route to Throwmoneyattheproblem, Asia. After all, I had the same delayed reaction.
Seriously though, fucking changed the channel to VH1. I tend to be shallow, but this was a new highlight for me. Just call me Andy "One of Those Kiddie Pools You Buy at Walmart" Hobin.
Anyway, it's survey time because Jazzy told me to. And any fool knows that when Jazzy says "Jump." you say, "Yes, ma'am."
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Andy
2. Drew
3. Dickboy, in some small circles
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. BaconBoy42 on AIM since 1996
2. DrewOnFilm during my Acrophobia days
3. andy_hobin on Launchcast radio
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My writing
2. My eye color
3. My sense of humor
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My stupid mouth
2. My lazy tendencies
3. My money management skills
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German George
2. Irish Nellie
3. Well, since I'm out of nationalities, I'll toss in everything Cathoic
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Being alone
2. Needles
3. The guy on the Quaker Oats box (childhood only)
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. A quick check of the email and diaries
2. Got2Be Spiked Up Gel (small quantities)
3. Those 10 for $3 burritos. Ole!
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Handmade Boy Scout moccasins (Thanks again, Ripple. I actually wore these to a martini bar a few weeks ago.)
2. "[I loved you,] grey sweatpants." (And if anybody knows the song to which that song belongs, your approval rating just went up. Thanks also to Spike for the pants.)
3. A Savage Nation t-shirt that my mom got me for Christmas! The front says, "MEMBER: SAVAGE NATION" and the back says, "LIBERALISM IS A MENTAL DISORDER!" and the Michael Savage's signature with an exclamation point. (I swear I'm not that much of a neo-conservative, but it's a fun item to wear around the house. Or to forensics tournaments.)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):
(Note: These aren't my top 3 favorite artists, just the people I'm listening to a lot of right now:)
1. Hem
2. Damien Rice
3. Johnathan Rice (no relation)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
(Again, these are by no means my favorite songs, just the songs I'm most enjoying listening to right now.)
1. "Whatever," Jill Scott
2. "Not For All The Love In The World," The Thrills
3. "Mid November," Johnathan Rice
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Bartending
2. Living in New York
3. Starting another screenplay, but that's a real pipe dream.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
I'm just gonna echo Jazzy's answers on this one. The nail hath been hitteth on the headeth.
1. Comfort.
2. Affection.
3. Honesty, even about things that have happened that could potentially hurt the other person.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
1. I've thrown up on Kurt Russell.
2. I almost got my ass kicked in New Orleans when I got waaaay too drunk and called the bouncer a nigger.
3. I high-fived Tommy Thompson, former Secretary of Health and Human Services under George W. Bush, during Forensics Nationals in D.C.
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Their ability to talk to me. Doesn't matter if a girl is book-smart or not, but she has to be able to carry on a conversation.
2. Is good to her father. Because, you know, that's how you can tell.
3. The little concave indentation on her body right where her neck ends and her chest begins. Don't ask me why.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Speech and debate
3. KARAOKE
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Pay all of my bills
2. Get laid
3. Get my shit together for MTV
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Casting
2. Directing commercials
3. Writing
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Ireland
2. Thailand
3. Italy
THREE KIDS NAMES:
1. GIRL - Maggie
2. BOY - Ethan, until I find a better substitute
3. HERMAPHRODITE - Chris
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Have a family
2. Have an integral part in the making of a major motion picture
3. Throw rotten vegetables at Michael Moore.
THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1. I grew up listening to classic rock.
2. I drink straight whiskey.
3. My idea of a good time during the summer is a 20 mile canoe run down the Current River.
THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK
1. Titanic is one of my favorite movies and never fails to bring a tear or ten thousand to my eye.
2. I take a lot of pride in how I dress.
3. I love to cook.
TEN CELEBRITIES I'D TOTALLY DO (in no particular order)
Beverley Mitchell
Lindsay Lohan
Sasha Cohen
Catalina Sandino Moreno
Ashley Olsen (Mary Kate's got a little work to do to curry my favor again.)
Natalie Portman
Ziyi Zhang
Britney Spears
Kristen Davis
The one with the shorter hair from T.A.T.U.
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Colin Powell
2. Aaron Carter
3. Sherry, but not Terry.
-Andy