2005-02-08
Just call me Chester because one of those kids from my last entry won't leave me alone! Go away! I don't have any candy!It's the snowangelgirlperson, the one who blew the lid off of the simmering 6th grade-ishness of the whole motley crew that had been IMing me thinking that I was someone else. I'm chilling here, once again minding my bid-ness, when I start getting the random IMs about her 7th grade boyfriend. I ignore the IMs, but she persists, continuing to IM me as if I've never before snubbed her. Today though, she IMed me, and coming off of a fine day at work and a filling lunch, I was feeling charitable. So I indulged her with some half-assed responses.
SnowAngel02675: hey
BaconBoy42: hi
SnowAngel02675: sup
BaconBoy42: nothing. working and stuff
SnowAngel02675: kool guess what
SnowAngel02675: my bf asked me if i wanted diamonds gold or a sliver ring
BaconBoy42: how thoughtful of him
SnowAngel02675: im in 6th grade and hes in 7th grade
Now, this tickled my fancy. Do you guys even remember your junior high bee effs and gee effs? Those relationships were the Big Wheels of love. Not even the training wheels - the damn Big Wheels. You think you look like hot shit while you're on it, but once you grow up, you realize what big friggin' baby you were riding the only bike that was so harmless that nobody's parents gave a shit whether or not you wore a helmet. Plus there was always a giant hole in the big plastic front wheel. Remember that while you were riding down your sidewalk? PedalpedalpedalCACHUNK!PedalpedalpedalCACHUNK!PedalpedalpedalCACHUNK!
Ah, there I go getting lost in my metaphors again.
Anyway, now I'm thinking to myself, I should help this kid out. Why not? By this point, I'm thinking about my first girlfriend, Veronica Maynard, whom I dated for one whole week in grade the seventh, communicating EXCLUSIVELY through the medium of John Chambers. John asked her out for me, said hi to her a couple of times for me, and ultimately became the messenger bringing news of my newly single status. THIS is a junior high relationship. And now this girl's got some chachi who's gonna buy her diamonds? Feeling equal parts amused, nostalgic, and intrigued, I picked her brain a bit.
BaconBoy42: Isn't it a little early for diamonds?
SnowAngel02675: yea thats what i think! [Hee]
BaconBoy42: Tell him to back off with the diamonds.
SnowAngel02675: k
SnowAngel02675: but why
BaconBoy42: Because you're, um, in 6th grade. And worse, he's in 7th.
SnowAngel02675: so
BEHOLD, THE ADVICE THAT SOMEONE SHOULD'VE TOLD ME. BaconBoy42: You don't know it yet, but you have no idea what you're doing.
SnowAngel02675: why
BaconBoy42: Well, okay, why is he buying you expensive stuff?
SnowAngel02675: idk good question
BaconBoy42: Well then it's pretty wierd
SnowAngel02675: yea i know
But before I could dispense more of my sage wisdom, she switches gears.
SnowAngel02675: help
BaconBoy42: help?
SnowAngel02675: yea what shold i giv my bf??
BaconBoy42: what're you giving him something for?
SnowAngel02675: valentines days duh?
SnowAngel02675: lol
SnowAngel02675: ur a lot of help
I'm single. I've been trying to block it out. Sue me if it'll make you feel big.
BaconBoy42: Ohhhh, right, right. Hmm.
BaconBoy42: Get a picture of the two of you and put it in a really nice frame. Classy, simple, cheap, thoughtful.
That's a good idea, isn't it? Kinda? I really just pulled it out of my ass on the spot, but what the hell else do you get your 7th grade boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Big surprise to many of you I'm sure, but I'm no expert in shopping for romantic gifts for 14 year old boys.
SnowAngel02675: lol
SnowAngel02675: but i dont have a picture
BaconBoy42: Then... that's trouble.
SnowAngel02675: yea
SnowAngel02675: think of something g2g ttul bye
SnowAngel02675 signed off at 4:32:51 PM
Oh, shit! How did I get bamboozled into this?! Now I'm this kid's personal shopper?! So... I need some help from you women. What do I tell this kid when she IMs me again? Some of you had to have had junior high boyfriends. What's a good present? Give a guy a leg up.
In other news, it's been a big week for me professionally. Three items.
1. I finally got the oral interpretation textbook with the CD ROM featuring my performance. Despite the nappy wheat sack of hair on my head, it was very, very cool to see. I'm going to sit down with the textbook and see if there are any references to my performance on the CD. I'm not in the index, so that's not a very good sign.
2. The same piece that's published in the textbook is now getting put on stage at Webster. This officially makes me the most prolific playwright in Surfacing: The Emerging Playwrights Festival's short history. Four submissions, four productions. April 22-24. Be there. The piece won state and nationals in forensics, too, y'know.
3. I've finally finished my cover letter for my MTV application and am shooting it off to Ryan momentarily. Ryan says that it will be one or two months before I hear from them, but I'm still crossing my fingers. Cramping fully expected.
And that'll be that. Hem tomorrow night at Off Broadway. $10 tickets. Come if you like to cry when you're drunk.
-Andy