2005-02-24
In a few hours I'm going to be kneeeee-deep in amateur actors while I'm casting my play, so I'm brushing up on doing nothing here in the library. Particularly, I've been czeching out some of the other RFT Blogs O' The Week that were published before my own, and I stumbled upon Vicki Monti, a local STLian who - in addition to being hott with, as you can plainly see, two t's - is also pretty handy with pet care advice!"Side Note #2: I strongly recommend NOT taking home the balloons from your coworker’s baby shower so that your cat can play with them because what will in fact happen is your cat will pop and subsequently eat the balloons, puke on your office rug, EAT the puke off your office rug, and then puke the puke on your living room rug. Tasty."
As I sat here in the library reading that, I did one of those kneeling-in-front-of-the-casket types of suppressed laughs that you DON'T want anybody else to hear, but everybody hears anyway. Thanks, Vicki.
So today day at work, the fan was off but had clearly been hit by shit the night before. Seems that a gentleman had received the check for his meal and noticed that his bill had been rounded up to the nearest nickel. It's a pretty standard practice in the restaurant business, so I'm told. Cuts down on the (negligible but omnipresent) involvement of the penny in cash transations and really speeds things along. Nevertheless, the gentleman took an indeterminate level of offense to this policy, and he lodged his complaint in the manner of standing up on his chair and educating the entire restaurant about our nearest-fifth policy, suddenly no longer so blessedly neglegible.
Kevin, the manager, asked the man to leave and never come back. No, strike that. Kevin SUGGESTED that the man leave and never come back. Not a mandate. A request. A good idea! Kevin by the way, God bless him, could easily be mistaken for a five year old in the right light. He might as well have said, "You know what would be a good idea, sir? If you left and didn't return. Whaddaya think, huh?!?"
"Excuse me, sir. I just happened to be sitting back in the kitchen rapping about my feelings with a couple of teen leadership camp counselors, when I heard all of the commotion out here in the ol' dining room. My pals and I think that it would be a good idea if you, y'know, left. And, uh, didn't come back. What are your thoughts on this? C'mon, sir, don't be afraid to share!"
Fucking seriously. And I very much appreciate that it's Kevin's job to be diplomatic in the face of ignorance, but really... some people.
So now, as a preemptive strike against litigation, I will not be spending the remainder of my days at work walking around the restaurant. No sir, I will instead be jingling around like a hyperactive puppy sporting a multi-chimed collar. You can actually hear me coming from across the room over the house music. I am the anti-stealth. Man. I can kiss my ninja days goodbye, that's for real damn sure. Stupid pennies.
But. My LaunchCast station just played "Never Can Say Goodbye" by the Jackson 5, then Ike and Tina's "I've Been Loving You Too Long," and then "Never Can Say Goodbye" AGAIN. Still a good day.
-Andy